rambles #2

assalamualaikum.

dang it's been a while.

i'm sorry? 

i've been stressed and busy with my end-of-the-year exams and all of the school stuff i somehow managed to push back on doing until virtually the end of the year. i guess that sums up why i haven't been writing all that often.

but it isn't just that, i think? i recently submitted a video for vocal fest 2015 and got in and after all the registering and paying the fee, i finally got the itinerary for the three-day event and....... i'm nervous to say the least. anxious is more like it.

i'm trying to get rid of this so-called "inferiority complex" which i'm 85% sure is a thing. but basically, thinking of the people i'm going to meet–who are probably going to be better at what seems to be one of the only things i'm good that–*hollows out my insides*. and yeah, i guess it's kind of my fault that i seem to turn everything into a silent competition–where i almost always lose–where there isn't one. i can't help it. 

basically, i've just been repeating "it's fine i'm fine i will be fine" in my head like a mantra.