life is the bee's knees

(note: i found this in my drafts. pretty sure it’s been a while since i started writing this but i felt like posting something) assalaumualaikum. i don't really know how to go about starting this post, but i had a strong urge to write something so here i am. this is one of rare times that i get to have the laptop all to myself what with zaim being constantly on it 24/7. i can't blame him. it's not like he has anything better to do (and i mean that in the nicest way possible. he really doesn’t have much to do at home.) i logged on to blogger not really expecting to write anything. i kinda just like being on here because i'm a bit of a narcisssist who thinks they are way more of an interesting person than they actually are. which is weird because sometimes i get bouts of i'm-so-boring-this-is-why-i-have-so-little-friends-i'm-gonna-end-up-alone. it's confusing to me, too. anyway, the reason why i was suddenly tergerak to write this is because i was scrolling t...

assalamualaikum. i got my upu results today and no big deal but, i kinda wanna cry about it.  of the 8 choices, the one i wanted the least (lbr the one i was hoping i wouldn't get at all) just had to be the one offered to me. wow um. i don't know why i even put that there considering it seems to be a difficult course. but i guess that's exactly why i put it in because i thought there was no way in hell i'd get it. but i did. and now i have to suffer from the consequences of my choices.  i don't really know how i'm gonna do this. i don't even know if i can do this. and the thought of meeting other people who actually have a really strong passion for this course and actually wanted it and are really good at it scares the shit out of me. because that's just the kind of person i am.  i don't wanna go to uni. i don't want to start studying again. and i don't want to live away from home and my parents. i just want to stay at home and...

assalamualaikum. i've begun my quest of applying for as many scholarships as i can. the bad thing about this is throughout this "quest" of mine, there have been multiple instances where i had to face the reality that my results are just not good enough for some of these scholarships. i mean, it sucks yeah, but i've also realised that it doesn't make me feel as bad as i would've felt a year ago and that's always a good thing because form 4-early form 5 me was a raging ball of self-doubt lol i had a look at my examination results from 2015-2016 and i was shook . i don't think i ever really realised how much i improved in the span of two years until now so i suppose not all is bad. i'm still very proud of myself and the results i managed to receive though i do wished i worked a little bit harder on those Bs and A-minuses in my results lol. things would be much easier if i had. oh well, no use crying over spilt milk. another thing i've had...

to ignore the struggles of women ALL OVER THE WORLD just because you don't necessarily see the injustice around you or where you live is kind of, for a lack of a better word, ignorant. intersectional feminism understands how different parts of women's identities (i.e their race, class, religion and sexual orientation) impacts the way they experience oppression. for example, in Malaysia, malay women might not go through the same difficulties indian women do because malays make up the majority of the population. and of course, growing up with more malay friends than indian friends might not expose you to the the issues that they might have to go through but just because you personally haven't seen or heard of it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.  and even if women in Malaysia don't experience that many injustices, that does not mean one can simply undermine the struggles of women in other parts of the world and how the movement works to help them. i gtg............

assalamualaikum. so i got my spm results today.......... and they were GREAT! definitely better than i imagined it going but that is likely due to the fact that i tend to think of the worst case scenario at all times. (i should really stop doing that.) alhamdulillah, praise Allah, i ended up with good enough results that i don't feel horrible about myself. in fact, i ended up with good enough results that i actually feel proud of myself. IN FACT, I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF THAT I EVEN SCANNED IT HERE LOOK AT IT LoOOOOoOooK click for less crappier quality lol am i bragging too much? i'm sorry. it's just that considering my academic history throughout the first 4 years of high school, i never would have thought this is how my results would end up. so i'm very happy. i'm happy that i proved myself wrong, i'm happy that i didn't make my parents regret all that money they put into my tuition fee, i'm happy that i can finally submit my UPU application ...

assalamualaikum. i've been meaning to write this blogpost for a while now but never actually got around to it because, well, i'm me. my heart has been heavy recently because i've been (over)thinking about my future and what i want to do in life and who i am as a person and all the ways i seem to fall short of the mark and tf it's too early for me to be having an existential crisis?!?!? visual representation of my mind idk if everyone else is struggling with this but things kinda went downhill for me after spm. graduating high school meant i lost basically what was my only constant in life. almost every day, i could expect to wake up early, have cik omar pick me up, see familiar faces, eat familiar food at 10:20am like clockwork, spend approximately six hours at school by a schedule that was prepared for me, and go home tired, but the good kind of tired. and now, all of that, gone. losing all that has shaken the confidence i had in myself and now i mostl...