me: denies adulthood like it's no big deal

assalamualaikum.

i got my upu results today and no big deal but, i kinda wanna cry about it. 

of the 8 choices, the one i wanted the least (lbr the one i was hoping i wouldn't get at all) just had to be the one offered to me. wow um. i don't know why i even put that there considering it seems to be a difficult course. but i guess that's exactly why i put it in because i thought there was no way in hell i'd get it. but i did. and now i have to suffer from the consequences of my choices. 

i don't really know how i'm gonna do this. i don't even know if i can do this. and the thought of meeting other people who actually have a really strong passion for this course and actually wanted it and are really good at it scares the shit out of me. because that's just the kind of person i am. 

i don't wanna go to uni. i don't want to start studying again. and i don't want to live away from home and my parents. i just want to stay at home and do nothing and never have to face reality and just........ idk i'm being ridiculous. i feel ridiculous. i mean, what kind of person would put in an option they thought and hoped they wouldn't get anyway? a ridiculous kind of person.

anyway, i'm ridiculous. this situation is ridiculous. i just want to sleep.