failur

let's just cut to the chase. this morning, i found out that i failed my ACCA tax paper and i'm feeling a lot of different things about it.

i failed by literally 1 mark which is so frustrating because who doesn't hate the feeling of being so close yet so far. i woke up to a text from my tax lecturer asking about my marks which is kind of a big deal because she texted me first lol it's upsetting that i couldn't reply to her with good news. i'm gonna have to retake the test in september which brings with it a whole bucket of other anxieties. i never actually liked taxation and now i'm gonna have to do it again. i'm gonna have to pay to retake it again which is gonna cost me money. i'm gonna be delayed because they're probably not gonna let me take the two new papers this semester. i'm not gonna be in the same class as my friends. i'll have to expend more energy because i have a shorter time frame now. i'm probably gonna be boggled down by the hit my self-confidence just took from this failure. i'm gonna have to work on rebuilding that self-confidence if i wanna even imagine being able to survive the rest of my acca journey. i'm gonna compare myself to all my other friends who managed to pass and hate myself. and i'll have to forever live with the fear of the possibility of failing again which is probably gonna take a toll on my emotional wellbeing.

you know what else sucks? i did really freaking well on my PM paper. i got an 84!!!!! and i can't even celebrate that because my stupid brain is determined to feel shitty about myself. i wish i could talk to somebody about this without hating myself but talking about it will just make it feel even more real and i don't really wanna burden anyone with having to care about this. plus the possibility that whatever they say not making me feel better just makes me think that i shouldn't even bother. 

brb lmao just gonna sleep my misery away.

BUT I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT. THE NEW SEMESTER IS STARTING TOMORROW AND I PRETTY MUCH HAVE NO TIME TO MOPE.

couple that with the fact that i haven't even paid for the new sem fees because we're not in the position to do that right now and having to write a letter for it. +++ the wifi is also not working because we haven't paid the bills yet. i kind just wanna cry and complain and be mad but i know that will just end up making me feel worse about everything so......

i'll just do nothing.